Happy New Year

Sydney is doing better. The wheezing has dramatically decreased, so we're happy. I was getting dinner ready when I suddenly realized this is the last day of 2010. We talked over dinner a little about what our year has been like - sleep deprived! We had the girls January 5th and I can't recall a whole lot of what has happened since then. We did make it to the beach and the White Mountains. We took a trip out to see family. I took the girls with my Dad to see my little sister in DC. Katie's talking and singing and running and really never stops. She started Nursery in church this year. This year has really just flown by and we're really hoping we'll be more awake this coming year. I'm proud that we have survived the first year of twins. I don't know that I've ever been so stretched in my whole life. I think the Lord knows it's good for me to learn I can't do everything on my own, that it's good to learn I need help too. I'm glad a new year is starting and I'm sure this one will pass just as quickly. We hope everyone else has a very good New Year. We will be celebrating ours soundly asleep. Well, if the girls cooperate, that is.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to the hospital we go....

Our blessed festivities somehow brought the dark angel of sickness to our entire house. Infections abound and we had to take Sydney to the hospital yesterday where she received a couple of breathing treatments. She received another one this evening and tomorrow morning we're going back to see if she needs to be admitted to the hospital or if she's on the mend. Nothing like a mysterious illness to keep you on the edge of your seat (RSV? Reactive airway? Pneumonia? Or just a nasty cold that is ravaging her poor little body?) We were finally gaining weight again! Jeremy's on call tonight and I'm just trying to think of other things while I'm really hoping I don't need to call the neighbors (who so graciously offered to come at the drop of a hat) in the middle of the night to take Syd to the hospital. She's super wheezy, her respiration rate gets pretty high, and she can't seem to stop coughing. It's funny how you can feel very grateful and blessed, and overwhelmed and on the verge of tears at the same time. So I'm just killing time putting up pictures when I should be crawling in bed.

This is when we first got back. I got all three of the gals in the wagon and we walked to the cemetery and back. They all thought it was great fun. So did I until Sydney decided to check out what was over the edge.
Ah, memories of my clean-shaven husband. It's now winter and he's growing one manly beard. They call him "Winter Jeremy" at work.

Alas, a typical family scene - the diaper change pajama party on the kitchen floor!

There's our little Sydvicious - pre-sick - toddling between the two of us.

What they really like to do is Syd rides it and Cora pushes her. This tandem ride didn't last too long.

The comment about not enough snow last post? It snowed that night and the next day. We got about 20 inches and a lot of cold wind. It's beautiful, but I haven't dared to take the sickies out yet. Pele loved digging her little holes in the snow to curl up in.

No pictures, please. (It's Cora)

This is what Amy, Katie, and I did the real Christmas morning while Jeremy was on call. We were given this awesome train set by our neighbors who's son never opened it. I was determined to figure out a way to have them all connect.

This was the pageant our kids put on Christmas Eve. Katie was so excited to be an angel, though I think she had no clue what was really going on.

I best be going to bed now. I've been hearing the three of them take turns coughing on and off. Here's to my call shift at home!

Happy Merry

Another Christmas come and gone. It's always a time for pondering. I had a ball this season getting things ready. One, it was such a blessing to be able to do things (last year we were waiting for the twins to come and hoping there'd be some of me left to take care of them). Two, since Katie is now 2 and a half, she was old enough to be excited about things and young enough to love the simple things. We put up lights on our roof line and cherry tree. We got a full size Christmas tree and decorated it. We had Christmas music on all the time. The result of that was Katie running around the house shouting "Angels We Have Heard on High," "The First Noel," and "Silent Night." I'd wake up to her singing those songs and "The Little Drummer Boy" to her stuffed animals and Sydney and Cora. She wraps up anything she can in a blanket and says it's baby Jesus lying in the stable. As cute as she may be, we spend a lot of time learning how to be kind to Mommy and the sisters.

Sydney and Cora are both walking now. Well, at the beginning of it. Cora can take several steps, even turn and keep walking once she's up on her feet. Sydney can take 3-4 steps at a time, and stand there forever holding anything. They both get excited whenever they see Jeremy or I, or even each other. They both stick their hands up in the air at random times and we just give them high fives. It makes them smile and laugh. Sydney has recovered since our last post. She is inhaling whatever we feed her. We have them in separate cribs now. Cora was repeatedly caught beating up on Sydney, though there have been a few times now that Sydney tries to get even when they're out toddling around.

That's how our girls are. Jeremy finished his pediatric rotation in November and he'll finish with the ICU this next week. We don't see him a whole lot, and he's pretty sleepy when we do see him. But we've had a good time when he's around.

I've been loving the Christmas season in New England though I am slightly disappointed in the amount of snow we've received. It's only been small dustings. Though we did get enough one day to put Katie in a laundry basket, tie Pele to it, and let her pull Katie down a little hill. I'm plotting how to get Pele pulling all three of them on a sled, we just need more snow. I will get pictures up sooner or later, and try to post some deep thoughts. In the mean time I'll just give a Christmas re-cap. It was awesome. We had Christmas Eve at the neighbors with some other families. Dinner, music, and a live nativity provided by the children of each family. We laughed and enjoyed ourselves. Christmas day was really low key. My friend, Amy Lou came to visit us for Christmas and we cooked up some serious Cajun Jambalaya. Well, she cooked and I watched. Then we made cookies that I took to Jeremy that night. All the girls were relatively sick this morning, so I went to church while Amy watched the girls and Jeremy was still in the ICU. Going to church, being able to listen, read my scriptures, and participate was the best Christmas present I could have asked for. When I got home Jeremy was asleep upstairs and Amy and I got Christmas dinner ready, the house picked up, and presents laid out for our Christmas evening. The wrapping paper and ornaments were probably the favorites, as always for the little people. Amy did get a nice video of Kate singing one of her songs if anyone wants to see it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knbdRjVkp18

She says only family will truly appreciate this. Cast your votes people!

Primary's

So, so sad. When Katie and I got back from the mountain Monday, November 1st, I took the twins upstairs for their nap. Almost to the top Sydney just plastered me, herself and Cora in the same vomit that had been coming out for a week and a half by that point. She was losing weight and it really showed. She reminds me a bit of Gollum here. Jeremy thought she looked like a survivor of a concentration camp. She only weighed 15 lbs 5 oz the day before we flew out and in less than a week's time she was at 14 lbs 4 oz. After trying scheduled Zofran, 3 IV infusions, a KUB, 2 CBCs, and a UA with no clear improvement, the pediatrician in Cedar and I decided it was best to head to Primary Children's in Salt Lake. I can't be grateful enough for my mom. She came straight home from work and took over Katie and Cora, had almost all of my things packed by the time I got back from the Dr.'s office, and watched those two from that night until Thursday night, when she made the 4 hour drive with them in tow. I didn't have to worry about them at all and could focus just on Sydney. It was the first time they were separated and I worried about that a little, but I think they both enjoyed how much individual attention they got (Sydney was held almost every second she was awake and I know Cora was held a lot, too). They sure melted my heart when they got back together though. They just smiled, reached for each other, and cooed. Katie was so excited to see Jeremy (he flew out a day early and she hadn't seen him for two weeks) that she ran up to him, wrapped her little arms around him, and said, "My Daddy! I love my Daddy."
Here's my angel sister, Ann, holding little Sydney. She just loved to rock and cuddle with Ann. Ann just let me lay there half asleep and still visit with her. It was the most quiet time the two of us have had together probably since her first girl was born. As much as no one wants to hang out at the hospital on vacation, it was a lot better to be there with family close enough to visit.
Here's my little girl in her gown. We walked the halls of the hospital many a time and ran into several people I knew from nursing school and work. What happened? We still don't really know. We just pumped her full of fluids again. She had an upper GI study (basically she drank liquid chalk under an x-ray), that showed her stomach was emptying kind of slow. They ran labs. She had an endoscopy. They took biopsies. Everything came back negative. Go figure. So it's a good thing nothing was found, yet we still don't know what happened. She threw up a few more times once she was discharged, but she is definitely heading in the up direction. I'm grateful it was something so small. I think I say that and some people think I'm nuts. But anyone more familiar with the medical field knows there are such awful things that kids and their families have to go through. We were not up against a chronic or terminal disease. We have insurance. No surgery. No months to years of prescriptions. We were able to get into the hospital and know that it was clean (if you've seen health care in other countries then you'll understand what I mean by that statement).

Yes, I really wanted to know what was going on with Sydney. I didn't want her to be hurting, but having seen some very painful things in hospitals, I knew the couple of sticks she was receiving that were helping her get better wouldn't be a problem. She did so well with the staff there. She really adored several of her nurses and was great with letting the docs check her out. Syd was a trooper. It was nice when we got to leave though. Sleeping in a bed without the lights, beeps and 4am vitals was so good!

Next Round

Are those sheep, you say? In the middle of town, you ask? Yes, and yes. Since I have left Cedar a new tradition has begun. Going back to the sheep herding roots, the town has a livestock festival every fall. We were lucky enough to be there to catch the parade which ended with a grand finale of sheep running down main street. What you're seeing in the left of the picture was a minor stampede just before they got to us. I guess they wanted to see another part of town.
This is the back of Katie's and my mom's head. Katie was quite concerned that the sheep's "legs were hurt" and that they needed band-aids because she could see the blood that some of them had on them from running each other over. Has anyone else noticed that sheep are not that smart and we are constantly compared to sheep in the scriptures? But the more I watch myself and the world around me I think it's a good analogy.
Here's Cora and Sydney dressed for the big day and sitting on my dad's lap. I actually ran a 5K that morning. I didn't think I'd feel old with a bunch of college kids, but then I remembered I'm turning 30 this year. I'm not saying that's old. It was just weird to realize I'm not the same age as the college crowd anymore. Sydney hadn't thrown up in two days so we felt good about that. Then we end our day with....

Trick or treating! Yes, it's the same costume she had last year. And she'll probably still fit it for the next 4 years. But at least I bought her a hat this year! Not that it stayed on her head....

My brother is one of the semi-head honchos at the ski/board place near Cedar City. Katie and I spent Monday morning going up to see him. It's an awesome place because it's pretty personal and laid back. It was fun to see him at his job. Then Katie and I had to go find some snow to play in. Too bad I forgot her mittens.

The Beginning of Vacation Pictures

All 8 of these lovely children were housed at my parents house for 3 days. Seven of which were in diapers. Let me tell you what a mad house it was. It was a ball at the same time. We were a sad that we didn't have Jeremy and Jess there, and family pics were limited to the grand kids. What an adventure it was to get all of them to hold still and look in the right direction. At least we picked a fun park.
Here I am with Cora.

There's my dad helping Van the man down the slide.

Cousin Kaylee.

Another noble attempt at a group pic.

Sydney and Cora, enjoying everyone trying to get them to smile. Poor Sydney. This is before her first trip to the Pedi office to get an IV. She was not feeling so great.

And here's Sydney post first IV. We sure thought that would be all she needed. Surprise, surprise. I'll be adding more pictures later.

Home

We pulled into our home in beautiful New Hampshire at 6:15pm last night. I don't know how I feel about calling that a restful vacation. It was kind of forever. We came home to little posters with sweet notes taped all over our porch and door, a huge banner in our kitchen saying, "Welcome Home, Pele missed you," a fresh gallon of milk in the fridge, and a chicken dish waiting in the fridge to be put in the oven. We have the best neighbors in the world. Sounds like we got home just in time though. Pele had stopped eating yesterday. I think she really felt abandoned. She was so happy to see us and all is well again. Anyone who has spent some time away from home knows that wonderful feeling of coming back to your own bed, fridge, bathroom, and having a good place for time-outs.

As we drove passed the trees, the early 1900 cape style homes, the rivers, and could smell that we were home I pondered over how split and torn I feel inside at times. Where the heck is home? During the three weeks we were out there I spent time in Cedar City (where I went to high school and my parents and grandparents still live), Salt Lake (where I worked and went to school for 5 years, Jeremy's family, and my sister and her family live), and in Idaho (where I went to school and worked for 2 years). I visited with family, friends, old roommates, teachers, and co-workers that have all been a part of my life. I feel like I have left threads of my soul everywhere I've been and truly loved what I have gained from each person and place. Utah, Spokane, Florida, Idaho, New Hampshire, Maryland, it all feels like home. Even staying at Primary Children's hospital for that week in a way felt like home because it reminded me so much of working at Shriners. In a way that really did feel like a vacation because there was only one child to take care of, I was not responsible for laundry or meals, and there were several people around I could always ask to hold Sydney so I could shower or eat. That would not have been the case if things were more life-threatening. This is all beside the point though.

I talked to my mom about all of this - how I feel like I may never be whole because everywhere I am I miss parts of and people from where I've been. As we talked she said something that reminded me of something CS Lewis says in Mere Christianity. I'm not going to quote him perfectly, but more or less that we will never feel completely whole until we are with God again. That all of the love and joy we feel in this life, all of our good memories and peaceful feelings are shadows of what life is like with our Heavenly Father. Only then will we feel complete. So to all of those who have been pieces of Heaven in my life, who have helped me feel the love of Heavenly Father through their love, friendship, and examples (even the ones who don't believe in God!), I just want to express how much joy you have given me. Even the ones I almost never have contact with anymore. My life has been so enriched because of yours, so thank you. Friends from Badger Creek, Cedar City, roommates, people at Shriners, mission companions, people at the Burn Unit, most especially family, and this list can keep going on, but I just wanted to express how grateful I am for the love of so many and how amazing life has been.

I don't know where Jeremy and I will end up. And we'll always miss the places we've been. I'm just grateful for the faith that we can be made whole in the next life and that all of our experiences are for our good.