I'm Feeling So..

I can't believe how many things I seem to be feeling, so I'm going to write it all down. I feel so overwhelmed when it's the fourth night in a row of really late bed times for the little people and I've got to do it with Jeremy gone again. I feel so blessed my husband has a good job. I feel so baffled as I work on my primary calling at how much goes into organizing, teaching, and keeping every primary running in every ward in the world. There's nothing to finish as much as it is to just keep working. I'm so grateful for how many people so willingly give of their time and hearts to teach so many children about the gospel of Jesus Christ, especially knowing my kids will be there someday, shouting out the most random answers and wondering when they'll get picked to give a talk. I love singing to Sydney and Cora with the guitar when Katie's down (they can't grab the guitar yet like she can). They just smile and dance and get so excited when I sing to them.

I can't believe how much fun Katie is. Jeremy had today off for the 4th of July so we went with some other resident families to Mascoma Lake. It takes us about an hour to have everything we may need packed, and even then one of us ends up trying to keep the twins from crying, but we're always glad we went. Jeremy got the crying job today and I took Katie out in the water. She was pretty nervous at first, but together we worked on her kicking her legs like a fish and splashing in the water and walking in the water and not being afraid of it. She loved it! She loves her mom and dad and loves to laugh, be tickled, and sing the most random songs. Yesterday in church she kept opening the hymn book to sing at the top of her lungs. We're not so sure what she was actually singing, but it was beautiful to her parents. She is so smart, loves to be read to, and loves knowing how the story goes so she can say part of it, too. She does get into everything, especially when I am nursing or pumping. Last week she actually locked herself in our downstairs bathroom. Thank goodness the window was cracked. I went outside, removed the screen, opened the window all the way, climbed in and saved the day. Great, I can add breaking and entering to my mommy resume.

I think June was our first month of having no one stay with us to help since we moved her. We moved here a year ago. I love our house, neighborhood, the weather, and the people here. I would really love our girls to grow up here. But I'm sad, too. I miss being able to see my family. I would love to go on regular walks with my mom and plan outings with my sisters. I wish I could be there for my parents now when things are hard. I feel sad that I can't just give my parents a hug, or have Katie spend time with her great grandparents. I can't believe we survived a month on our own. It's not been without great effort. Sometimes the thought of getting everyone out the door on my own again is enough to make me want to cry and hide under the covers, but I don't. Well, crawl under the covers anyway. We've made it work. We get so much help, especially from the ward and I can't thank them enough.

I want to spend more time slowing down. I really want to become better at pondering and reading my scriptures again. I was under some delusion when I was single that that would be easy when I would stay home with kids. Jeremy told me today I have chosen the harder course. I know this is where I need to be, but this is not easy. I don't know how to make the time to slow down, but I will learn.

So I'm feeling some of everything: happy, sad, grateful, content, overwhelmed, and excited. It is good to be alive. Life would be so boring if we couldn't experience all of this.