Metamorphosis

As always, it's too much time between the last post to catch up on everything, so we'll just go over the last two weeks (and a little before that). Jeremy's parents came out 2 and a half weeks ago.  Jeremy had one vacation left and we were using it to go house hunting in Montana.  His parents were kind enough to keep our children alive, fed, and clean (quite a challenge) while he and I went west.  

We were spoiled on this trip.  We stayed with a family we're becoming friends with, the weather was beautiful, and we just had time to be together!  Our intentions heading out there were to find a house, in town, with trees.  This is what we found instead:

 No trees, out of town, no house either.  We bought it.  Two and a half acres of this.  We prayed and did all the ground work we could in finding a home and felt very guided to purchase this.  Every time we drove closer to it we felt so excited and it just felt right.  We won't actually have a house to live in for close to two years, which means we need to find somewhere to rent until then, but it just feels so right, I'm not worried about it. 

We visited with the school the girls will be going to.  It's a completely different set-up called an open-concept school.  There aren't really any classrooms, just pods or areas.  The kids do have individual classes and are grouped by their grades, but there aren't walls between any of them.  I'm excited to see how it goes since Katie will be starting Kindergarten next year.  

While we were out there we saw two bald eagles, many deer, and were told people see coyotes, elk, and antelope frequently, with an occasional moose.  Talking with some of the families of Jeremy's co-workers we could see how mountains were moved for us to be there.  Previously, the thought of finding somewhere to dig my roots in permanently felt confining and stifling.  Yet after the two visits we've made there it feels so right, open, free, and I'm excited to call Montana home.  

Our girls were so excited when we told them we bought land on the high prairie.  We've been reading the Little House on the Prairie books at night, and they're excited to build a house like Pa and Ma - we just have to remind them our well will be 500 ft deep instead of 40 and the house building process with take a little longer.  

Being home since we were out there I have thought so many things over.  The first was realizing I need to make space for our kids.  That may sound strange, but let me explain.  From the time they were babies I was determined to not give them too many toys, feeling they really didn't need all of that to be happy or feel loved.  Plus, I didn't want to trip over baby toys every direction I turned.  I still feel when they're that tiny there's just not much they can do with the toys anyway.  But I came home and realized my girls are not babies anymore - they're older.  They need some things to help their creativity and imagination flourish.  I am not saying toys should replace parental involvement or outdoor play, but I have rarely pulled out anything potentially disastrous (such as paint or glue) up to this point.  So I moved some furniture and set up desks for the three of them with crayons and coloring books left out.  I've decided I want to learn how to sew a little more so I can make them dolls (THAT is a huge change for me - I never liked dolls growing up and the only dolls they have are gifts from other people).  I want them to have a space when we build our home that will be for them, they will be free to paint, build, create, without their mom freaking out about not getting it on the piano or hurrying to clean up the table for dinner.  Some people may read this and be giggling at me, but as small as these changes are, they are a huge emotional shift for me.  I don't know how to describe it.  I want to put their drawings and creations not just on our fridge, but the walls of our living room.  I am also excited that where we will be living they will have room to just run.  We will be able to let them out the door and not worry about traffic (there is nothing else out there), or random people pulling into our driveway to point out how neglectful I am of our children.  

Another shift for me has been the idea of building a home.  There is a part of me that still wants to just live in a tent or a very small cabin in the woods.  The thought of something new or larger than the three bed two bath we're in now is something I have always fought.  Yet I'm seeing now - we will need the room.  We want our girls to want to be home, and if they don't have a space in our home to find some solitude or to play, chances are as they get older they will look for it elsewhere.  We want them to LOVE being home.  I don't think one needs new or nice things to create that, but I'm also keeping in mind we want space for friends and family to stay with us, room to hold future youth get-togethers - I guess just this thought that it's OK to live in something bigger than 1800 square feet.  Part of me remembers the tiny one to two room houses (entire house, that's not a bedroom count), that I visited in Argentina and starts to feel sick at the thought of that.  I wish I could give everyone a home with running water, insulation, and a floor.  I wish we didn't have a culture so obsessed with THINGS.  And it's all tied together for me.  So making this commitment to build a new home is such a change.  After thinking through all of my feelings - that it IS OK for us to build a new house - and still trying to reconcile with the unfairness of the world that we'll be able to and so many can't, the thought came to me - when you have it, will you be able to give it all up?  I don't know all of what that means.  But I do think it's a gentle reminder from the Lord to always keep our hearts in the right place - on people, service, and Him - more than the trappings of this world, as nice and even helpful as they may be.  I think this will be a huge adventure for our family, and I am excited to see what comes of it.  

The other thing I've realized is I am not in my 20s anymore.  Shocking revelation since I'll be 33 this year, I know.  But what I realized is what I did to keep myself in decent shape in college won't cut it anymore.  So I'm starting to run longer and get a more consistent yoga/pilates regime in place. That may make me sounds super fit, but after having the twins I feel like my body has been so weakened it's the only way to get my body to a level where I can play with our girls for their whole lives without hurting myself.  I need a strong back, strong arms, and strong legs if we're going to do all of the climbing, hiking, horseback riding, and kayaking we're looking forward to.  Jeremy and I talk about the things you see in health care - the obesity that contributes to back, knee, hip, and shoulder pain - and it terrifies me.  I'm not planning on going on a crazy diet, taking supplements, or setting up residence at a gym, but I do want to keep myself healthy and strong.  I know I'll still get older and things won't be as quick or painless as they were before, but I want to be like one of my friend's grandpa who was hiking the Appalachian Trail in his 80's.  

Other thoughts from this week?  I want to sew and cook more, and pick up either piano or violin lessons in Montana.  Katie will be in Kindergarten and the twins can go to a twice weekly preschool.  Life will be changing drastically for us over the next year, and I'm ready for it.  I want to make good use of the time we will have so I don't look back and think, "What did I do with all of that time?"  I look back over our four years here and it has been a lot of meals, tears, occasional outings, and sleep deprivation.  I feel we've made the best of it we can, I learned how to can applesauce, make freezer jam, wheat bread, pita bread, and naan.  I have loved New England.  But I am so excited for our new life in Montana.