Glacier National Park

Just a couple weeks after we moved here my parents came up to visit and we took a fun trip to Glacier National Park.  We didn't do much more than play in the water with the kids, but that crystal water took my breath away up against these wild, enormous mountains.  

 Love my mom and dad.  

 My niece, Kaylee, came up with them and was a lot of fun to have around.  

 There's Syd in Two Medicine Lake.  

 All the girls playing in the lake.  

 This is how clear that amazing water is.  

 This is across from Running Eagle Falls.  

 Syd playing on the rocks.  

Running Eagle Falls, coming out of a rock.  I love that this is actually named after a woman warrior from one of the Native American tribes.  

We stayed in a tiny cabin in East Glacier, then just spent a day seeing what we could.  I love that so much of the land is still wild and free, and I think the only reason the East side of Glacier isn't a major resort area is because it's a reservation.  There are enough Jackson Hole resort type places at the outskirts of national parks, so even though it means there aren't fancy places to stay, I sort of like it that way.  

Yuba with the Family

Continuing the updates.  This is Katie in her favorite attire at her Aunt Lisa and Uncle Rod's house:  

 We took a hike up Big Cottonwood Canyon with Grandma and Grandpa and some of the cousins.  

 That's Sydney.  

 We were lucky enough to see two different moose.  It's nice to get a good picture without having to be too close.  

 We took a family trip to Yuba.  My first time on a big boating trip.  Can't say I really love boating, but we did have a lot of fun with everyone.  

 There's Katie and her daddy.  She did eventually stand up on this board, but part of the time was sitting on Jeremy's head.  

 This is my attempt.  I only went down a few times, but I think I still prefer canoes and kayaks.  

 Jeremy got Cora out there also.  

 I don't think Jeremy had done this since we've been married and he was in heaven!  

 There's Cora with her cousin on the banana boat.  She loved that thing and loved telling her grandpa driving the boat to go faster.  However, she would not jump in the water.  Syd was terrified of riding that thing, but she had no problem jumping off the boat into the water.  

 After much coaxing, we got everyone on that thing.  Syd still wasn't sure about it and neither was Katie after she fell off of it once, but we did it.  

This was the Fourth of July weekend.  We had a storm blow throw in the middle of the night.  Jeremy and I were sleeping on an air mattress in the boat and got it all pick up into his parents' motor home just in time for the storm to leave.  The girls loved having so much time with their cousins and we played hard.  

The Beginning of Updates

Here's the beginning of catching up.  We moved (obviously), so it's taking a lot of time to get our brains together and to make time for things involving technology.  I figured since we've been out of New Hampi a couple of months now, it's time I put some pictures up.  We did not have a functioning camera for the cross-country part, so the pictures start with our week stay at my parents house.  We'll see how many more I get posted from here.  

 This one is Sydney splashing.  

 Here's Cora trying to get her Grandpa wet.  

 Katie drawing in my parents' driveway.  

 My mom telling them stories.  

Then we made it to Salt Lake to stay with Jeremy's sister's family.  There's Uncle Rod throwing Katie in the air.  I'm so happy I bought the life-jackets I did last summer.  They have more than paid back their purchase price.  

A few details about the trip.  We spent about a week on the road from West Leb to Cedar City and saw a lot of church history sites on the way.  Our poor dog was sick of having to take meds so she wouldn't barf the whole way, and we were getting a little tired of the car, but we made it and saw some amazing country on the way.  Whoever knew Iowa was such a beautiful state?  

Our week in Cedar went well, then we went to Salt Lake for a week and those pictures and details will hopefully be up in a week.  

We were ready to be done being homeless by the end of the trip.  We moved into our house without seeing it in person, and our moving truck got there a little late, but we had a home to live in!  With a doggie-door nonetheless.  Pele's pretty happy about that, and really happy there are a million wild rabbits around to hunt.  We had some plumbing issues, but between our bishopbric and the realty company, it was taken care of within a week's time.  Jeremy was gone to a conference our first weekend there.  We can walk to church, so I'm happy about that.  The prairie and sky are amazing.  We really love living in Great Falls.  We are working on repainting the main floor of the house (brown and mustard yellow just don't do it for me), but the house itself is great.  I never knew how great it is to have a basement when you have kids.  Kate starts Kindergarten this week and she can't wait.  She's going to have a blast.  The twins will start preschool two days a week the next week and I am going to be living a whole new life.  Jeremy's studying his guts out for his oral boards the end of September, and we're still broke as all get out for a few more months, then we'll start paying back the big loan bills.  I'm being brave and starting a face book page, but I have no idea how to work it yet, so hopefully no one gets offended from a lack of response.  It is late and past bed time, so I'm signing off for now.  

Girl Culture

I love being a girl.  I even love having a bunch of little girls (that surprised me).  But sometimes I'm not so happy about different girl cultures.  Jeremy's gone for the last half of the week for a conference in Boston, so it's me and the gals.  Katie's been going to pre-school at the elementary here for the last couple of months and there was a spaghetti dinner tonight.  No planning, no dishes, I just show up and have dinner for those three?  Done deal.  

Part of my strategy to get these kids to sleep at bedtime is to wear them out however I can before bedtime.  So we played at the school playground for about an hour before the dinner started.  When we first arrived, I noticed a group of four girls, maybe 10 years old, there.  One of them said, "Hi, Katie," when we got close enough.  My first thought is - how does my daughter know these girls (since she's about six years younger)?  Then she told me she'd met them at recess.  OK, so I decide to just watch what would happen.  I was hopeful all would be fun for them, Katie never seems to notice she's not as old as anyone else.  But it became a game for these girls to get Katie to chase them, playing tag or any other game, and never let her actually get them.  I'm all for fair play, and I understand not wanting to hang out with a four year old when you're 10, but these girls several times asked her to come play with them, just to make her chase them and never catch them.  They tried to get the twins to do it as well, but Sydney and Cora gave up.  By then a couple of girls Katie's age got to the playground and I left her to play with them while I took the twins to the bathroom.  I came back out to hear my oldest child yelling at the two other girls that she wasn't going to play with them because they were "being mean."  

Anyone else with more than one child may understand why I was slow to respond to that, wondering if it was really my child being the mean one (like what happens at home at times).  But as the twins started playing also, I saw what was going on.  The two new girls were not going to let anyone near the top of the slide because it was their "castle."  So then Katie starts to yell at them again and tells these two new girls, "You're not being nice to my sisters!  You're being mean to my sisters, Sydney and Cora, and you need to be nice!"  What's running through my head?  Part of me wants to laugh, part of me is appalled as she is screaming how mean they are and their mothers are right next to where I'm standing, and part of me is so proud of her for sticking up for her sisters.  I stood back during both interactions (with the older girls and the ones Katie's age), other than to tell Katie thank you for looking out for her sisters and it was OK to find another part of the playground to play on.  

So I've just witnessed my daughters get a little taste of being picked on by two groups of girls within thirty minutes time, and I don't know that they were even aware of it.  I feel that a little exclusion and heartache are important parts of being kids. it's not like as adults we never face peer pressure and inclusion issues, so it's important to go through some of it early to start talking about how to handle it and what type of person these kids want to be.  However, it makes me wonder what school will bring for these girls.  I ended up being behind the older girls in line at the spaghetti dinner and I watched how they interacted with each other.  They were not super nice.  I think they wanted to be, but you could tell they were already competing with each other and beginning to feel insecure and seeking validation somewhere.  I'd just read an article in the Atlantic last night talking about how sexualized even Strawberry Shortcake and Rainbow Brite have become - under the idea that girls won't play with dolls that look like kids anymore (Please, like a 5 year old buys her own toys).  The article talked about how even 6 year olds were making judgements about popularity based on body image and clothes.  I am determined for my girls to know that at least their mom knows there is more to me than how flat my stomach is, how "hot" my clothes are, or how many "friends" I have on facebook (except that part that I'm still not on facebook).  

I love having the Gospel in my life because those teachings are SO SOLID and real.  I don't care if modesty, meekness (I can't say I'm awesome at that), and nurturing are SO not cool anymore.  I don't see these other values making people very happy, and too often it destroys people.  So I'm waging war on a lot of these girl cultures.  I decide what will come in our house - I can't control what goes on at school, but I can arm our girls with faith, prayer, love, laughter, and I can set the example of not freaking out if I'm not part of the "popular crowd," if my body doesn't look like I'm 17, and by not obsessing about clothes, hair, or any other non-lasting thing.  You can look nice, dress well, and have solid friends without wrapping your identity around how everyone else sees you.  I want to strive to have my identity be wrapped around my faith and how I treat people.  I always need to start with how I treat those girls when I'm tired and running out of patience, but I'm not going to give up working on this - their future, their perception of themselves, and their hearts are at stake here.     

And as much as Katie may be really intense to deal with at times at home, I was SO PROUD to call her my daughter when I saw her sticking up for her sisters.  She has a heart of gold.  

Several Months in Random Pictures

Someday I will have awesome pictures in chronological order, but since this is mostly for the family records, here's a quick rundown of the last 5 months.  

Two weeks ago I decided I'd drive down to Virginia with the girls to visit my sister and her kids since who knows when we'll head back east again.  

This is Melissa enjoying the high eighty degree weather with two of her three at a small farm.  

 Katie's head is a little hidden, but this is the group checking out some baby pigs.  We had a great trip, although we almost got killed by a ladder on the freeway north of Philadelphia.  Either way, we made it home and I have a better idea of how to handle kids in the car for 10 hours.  (Like stopping every two so everyone has a potty break.)

 Since Katie taught herself how to ride a two-wheel back last fall and crashed head first a couple of times we thought it would be smart to get her a helmet.  She calls it her crash helmet and LOVES to wear it.  Between the glasses and the helmet, I'm counting us VERY lucky that she keeps them on herself and we don't have to staple them to her.  

 These pictures are in reverse order, but this is after I stuck them in front of the computer to watch Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer so I could cut their hair.  I don't have a great picture of how long their hair was before, but I was proud of how well their hair turned out.  That was probably in January?  

 My all out efforts for a fabulous birthday cake for the twins (we're back at the beginning of January now).  It was a peanut butter and chocolate cheesecake and chocolate cupcakes.  

 This is to remember our house flood.  I had bathed the girls, put them to bed, Jeremy was on call that night so I stayed up to read.  I thought I heard water running after a while, then went downstairs to see water pouring through one of our floors to the basement.  It had been 20 below for a week and we had a warm day.  What had happened was our pipes froze, then burst open in the guest room and there was a lake under the bed we kept in there.  After calling my dad I moved everything and started ripping the carpet out.  Jeremy got home in time to help pull the rest of it out.  We felt pretty blessed I didn't go to sleep without checking out the dripping sound, or we may have ruined a lot more than our carpet.  Nothing like home repairs to make you feel like you're full of money (or not at all).  

 Sydney loves to help me do the dishes.  

 The girls love the moving Brave and are convinced they're going to ride black horses and shoot a bow and arrow when we get to Montana.  This outfit was a Christmas present for Katie.  The little archery kit sent with it was THE coveted toy for the time.

 Syd's the one in jeans.  Can you see how long their hair was?  

 We held a family ball in honor of the grandparents coming.  These girls were so excited to be so fancy.  

 And all three riding the horse called Angus, Abigail, or Daisy (depending on the day).  I think this was in November.  

No more pictures for now.  Hopefully I'll put more up before we leave.  

Metamorphosis

As always, it's too much time between the last post to catch up on everything, so we'll just go over the last two weeks (and a little before that). Jeremy's parents came out 2 and a half weeks ago.  Jeremy had one vacation left and we were using it to go house hunting in Montana.  His parents were kind enough to keep our children alive, fed, and clean (quite a challenge) while he and I went west.  

We were spoiled on this trip.  We stayed with a family we're becoming friends with, the weather was beautiful, and we just had time to be together!  Our intentions heading out there were to find a house, in town, with trees.  This is what we found instead:

 No trees, out of town, no house either.  We bought it.  Two and a half acres of this.  We prayed and did all the ground work we could in finding a home and felt very guided to purchase this.  Every time we drove closer to it we felt so excited and it just felt right.  We won't actually have a house to live in for close to two years, which means we need to find somewhere to rent until then, but it just feels so right, I'm not worried about it. 

We visited with the school the girls will be going to.  It's a completely different set-up called an open-concept school.  There aren't really any classrooms, just pods or areas.  The kids do have individual classes and are grouped by their grades, but there aren't walls between any of them.  I'm excited to see how it goes since Katie will be starting Kindergarten next year.  

While we were out there we saw two bald eagles, many deer, and were told people see coyotes, elk, and antelope frequently, with an occasional moose.  Talking with some of the families of Jeremy's co-workers we could see how mountains were moved for us to be there.  Previously, the thought of finding somewhere to dig my roots in permanently felt confining and stifling.  Yet after the two visits we've made there it feels so right, open, free, and I'm excited to call Montana home.  

Our girls were so excited when we told them we bought land on the high prairie.  We've been reading the Little House on the Prairie books at night, and they're excited to build a house like Pa and Ma - we just have to remind them our well will be 500 ft deep instead of 40 and the house building process with take a little longer.  

Being home since we were out there I have thought so many things over.  The first was realizing I need to make space for our kids.  That may sound strange, but let me explain.  From the time they were babies I was determined to not give them too many toys, feeling they really didn't need all of that to be happy or feel loved.  Plus, I didn't want to trip over baby toys every direction I turned.  I still feel when they're that tiny there's just not much they can do with the toys anyway.  But I came home and realized my girls are not babies anymore - they're older.  They need some things to help their creativity and imagination flourish.  I am not saying toys should replace parental involvement or outdoor play, but I have rarely pulled out anything potentially disastrous (such as paint or glue) up to this point.  So I moved some furniture and set up desks for the three of them with crayons and coloring books left out.  I've decided I want to learn how to sew a little more so I can make them dolls (THAT is a huge change for me - I never liked dolls growing up and the only dolls they have are gifts from other people).  I want them to have a space when we build our home that will be for them, they will be free to paint, build, create, without their mom freaking out about not getting it on the piano or hurrying to clean up the table for dinner.  Some people may read this and be giggling at me, but as small as these changes are, they are a huge emotional shift for me.  I don't know how to describe it.  I want to put their drawings and creations not just on our fridge, but the walls of our living room.  I am also excited that where we will be living they will have room to just run.  We will be able to let them out the door and not worry about traffic (there is nothing else out there), or random people pulling into our driveway to point out how neglectful I am of our children.  

Another shift for me has been the idea of building a home.  There is a part of me that still wants to just live in a tent or a very small cabin in the woods.  The thought of something new or larger than the three bed two bath we're in now is something I have always fought.  Yet I'm seeing now - we will need the room.  We want our girls to want to be home, and if they don't have a space in our home to find some solitude or to play, chances are as they get older they will look for it elsewhere.  We want them to LOVE being home.  I don't think one needs new or nice things to create that, but I'm also keeping in mind we want space for friends and family to stay with us, room to hold future youth get-togethers - I guess just this thought that it's OK to live in something bigger than 1800 square feet.  Part of me remembers the tiny one to two room houses (entire house, that's not a bedroom count), that I visited in Argentina and starts to feel sick at the thought of that.  I wish I could give everyone a home with running water, insulation, and a floor.  I wish we didn't have a culture so obsessed with THINGS.  And it's all tied together for me.  So making this commitment to build a new home is such a change.  After thinking through all of my feelings - that it IS OK for us to build a new house - and still trying to reconcile with the unfairness of the world that we'll be able to and so many can't, the thought came to me - when you have it, will you be able to give it all up?  I don't know all of what that means.  But I do think it's a gentle reminder from the Lord to always keep our hearts in the right place - on people, service, and Him - more than the trappings of this world, as nice and even helpful as they may be.  I think this will be a huge adventure for our family, and I am excited to see what comes of it.  

The other thing I've realized is I am not in my 20s anymore.  Shocking revelation since I'll be 33 this year, I know.  But what I realized is what I did to keep myself in decent shape in college won't cut it anymore.  So I'm starting to run longer and get a more consistent yoga/pilates regime in place. That may make me sounds super fit, but after having the twins I feel like my body has been so weakened it's the only way to get my body to a level where I can play with our girls for their whole lives without hurting myself.  I need a strong back, strong arms, and strong legs if we're going to do all of the climbing, hiking, horseback riding, and kayaking we're looking forward to.  Jeremy and I talk about the things you see in health care - the obesity that contributes to back, knee, hip, and shoulder pain - and it terrifies me.  I'm not planning on going on a crazy diet, taking supplements, or setting up residence at a gym, but I do want to keep myself healthy and strong.  I know I'll still get older and things won't be as quick or painless as they were before, but I want to be like one of my friend's grandpa who was hiking the Appalachian Trail in his 80's.  

Other thoughts from this week?  I want to sew and cook more, and pick up either piano or violin lessons in Montana.  Katie will be in Kindergarten and the twins can go to a twice weekly preschool.  Life will be changing drastically for us over the next year, and I'm ready for it.  I want to make good use of the time we will have so I don't look back and think, "What did I do with all of that time?"  I look back over our four years here and it has been a lot of meals, tears, occasional outings, and sleep deprivation.  I feel we've made the best of it we can, I learned how to can applesauce, make freezer jam, wheat bread, pita bread, and naan.  I have loved New England.  But I am so excited for our new life in Montana.    

So Much

It has been too long since the last post and there is so much to say, so much that I think about, so this may all be jibberish.  The lesson today in Relief Society was focused on how our knowledge of the Savior and the Plan of Salvation can help us deal with death.  This was one of the few times I had nothing to say, but much to think about.  People shared how a knowledge of the Resurrection gave great hope and peace in their lives when they'd had family members with severe disabilities or limitations, or close loved ones pass on - both young and old.  

I listened in humble awe.  Jeremy and I have been so fortunate in our lives.  All of our siblings are living with no disabilities.  All of our parents are living with no disabilities.  I still have four living grandparents.  None of our children or nieces or nephews have disabilities or have been taken early from this earthly life.  Death is very real for everyone, will come someday to all, yet it has not extended its cold hand to an immediate part of our family.  Not yet.  There will come a day when something will happen, no one can avoid death forever.  And I'm not meaning to be depressing, I'm just at a loss for words for the gratitude I feel, and I am aching for people who have gone through such losses.  I may not be able to understand it yet, but I can see I have much to lose when the time comes.  I'm grateful our family relationships are as good as they are.  No one is perfect, but we have a lot of love in our families.  I think when all is said and done some of the biggest questions at the end of our lives may be: Did I love enough?  Did I tell the people I love how much I love them?  Did I enjoy and appreciate the people around me and how much they do for me?  Do those I care for know I love them?  

I wish I knew how to keep this in focus all the time.  The beginning of this last week was awful.  I'd had it trying to figure out how to be a mom.  The girls knew every button they could push, and they did.  I'm so grateful for the angels Heavenly Father sent in forms of friends and family that either came over or talked to me as I tried to get a hold of myself.  But then, the storm cleared.  Someone took the kids for me the next morning and I had time to regroup.  Jeremy got home unexpectedly early and we had time together.  We went swimming with the girls and just had fun playing.  The rest of the week has gone so well.  So in the wake of my meltdown and then turnaround, I wonder about how would things be if my life were to be over unexpectedly.  Do my girls and husband know how great they are and how much I love them?  I think so, but I'm also seeing the more I strive to remember that, the easier it is to love and appreciate them, and live without guilt and regrets of what I'm not doing.  Katie, Sydney, and Cora don't need 20 activities a week to feel like I'm giving them a good life.  They need me to love them and teach them right from wrong, to teach them how to rely on the Lord and themselves, how to love others and accept love.  Jeremy and I are not perfect, but I think we do a good job of thanking each other and expressing love frequently.  I can't plan or control everything, but when I look at what we're trying to do right, I think, as hard as it would be to lose any of us, love is expressed often enough that none of us would doubt how the others feel. 

That will be something we will deal with when the time comes.  Until then I will continue to kiss and cuddle each person in this house.  

And give poorly put together updates with no pictures because we do not have a decent camera.  

Sydney and Cora turned three the beginning of January.  I made them cupcakes and cheesecake for their birthday, and I can't even remember if we gave them presents since it was just after Christmas.  They all have yet to be emotionally wounded by my lack of extravagance for birthdays.  I'm sure someday they'll have something to say about it.  

We joined a gym here shortly thereafter.  This gym has a pool and I have taken all three of them swimming by myself multiple times now.  Getting into the pool and out of the pool are traumatic events for me, but being in the water is wonderful!  All three of them now swim in the "deep water" with their life jackets on.  They jump off the edge of the pool, go down slides by themselves, and love being thrown high in the air to land in the water.  It's so much fun to see them do so well, and more fun to have them go to be exhausted at night after a few hours in the pool.  I do have ulterior motives with all of our activities - I want to wear them out!  We all sleep better at night if they've had active days.  

They love to go on walks with me now.  It's not nearly as much exercise for me as pushing two in the stroller with one on my back.  We only go about a mile and it's slow.  But even Pele is good with them.  They take turns walking her and she is very gentle with them.  We have had a lot of ice this year, so it's not often I take them out walking.  We will be out more with the spring.  

They all fell in love with the movie Brave, and have been very excited about moving to Montana since we've told them there will be horses to ride there.  They all want to ride a black horse and shoot arrows through a forest.  

Katie has become a rock climber.  She started at a small climbing wall and decided that was her current calling in life.  She now wraps her toes and fingers around our door frames at home and climbs to the top of them.  Jeremy and I found a climbing gym close by and we've been taking her at least once a week (to help wear her out and teach her how to climb with a rope and harness).  She has climbed to the top of those 45 foot walls many a time now.  She just scurries on up there and sings away.  Jeremy and I have also learned it makes for a great date night.  

Sydney and Cora are finally potty trained, though we still have set-backs and accidents, we are no longer using diapers in the day time.  They are both so eager to help me with anything - dinner, groceries, feeding the dog, walking the dog, dishes, even cleaning the house and folding laundry.  Too bad when they're old enough to really do it they'll probably be fighting me on it.  

Jeremy and I are chomping at the bit to get to Montana.  We'll be heading there the last week of March to look for a home and we can't seem to contain ourselves.  He just got his Montana license yesterday.  I can't explain everything I feel about it.  We moved here to New England almost 4 years ago and I loved it.  Everything about it was wonderful and New England was home to us.  But somehow my roots have started to pull out.  I can feel my soul being called to Great Falls.  I look at our time here and it has been so hard, but so wonderful.  The hard has had everything to do with figuring out how to be a family with three little girls and Jeremy being a resident.  Now at the end of it we realize there's a lot we just don't remember (I think it has to do with sleep deprivation), but we also have so many good memories.  I love the people we've been around.  They are who we need for this time in our lives.  Yet that time is coming to a close.  We will be in a whole new world in Montana.  Katie will be starting kindergarten, the twins will not be babies anymore, and we will be able to pay for a babysitter.  We will have vacations when we don't have to worry about nap time and diapers.  I will be able to run, even if it means putting the twins in the stroller, on a regular basis.  I'm trying to filter through how to hang on to every good thing we have now and keep it in this new life we'll be starting.  I don't know exactly what that is, or how to do it, but I'm so excited that our girls are growing as well as they are and that we will not be in baby land forever.  As much as I have loved what we've done here, it's been so much of baby land that I have lost my mind multiple times.  I know it's not like my kids will magically be angels because we're moving somewhere new and can afford to buy the Brianna's poppy seed dressing, but I'm still excited.  

Both Jeremy and I are seeing gray hairs here and there.  I'm excited about that, too.  I know that sounds strange in this have-to-look-22-forever culture, but I feel that we have paid our dues and have earned the age we are.  I don't think "oh, we're getting old!"  But I like where we are in life, and I don't feel like we've wasted time anywhere.  Things have more meaning for me, relationships have deepened, and life is still teaching me all kinds of things.  We are not meant to be the same always.  We have to grow and move on.  So  I'm happy with what life now is for me at 32.  And I'm excited for where we'll be at 42, then 52.  So far it's been the best 32 years of my life.  

OK, long enough rambling.  There's the update over that last couple of months and hopefully I can get some pictures up.  I cut all three girls hair a couple of weeks ago, so I need to get that up.  It was successful!  We'll see what I talk about next time....