Friday, December 14, 2012

For a Moment

Yesterday was precious.  Not the whole day.  Same with the day before.  Maybe it's because it was sunny and clear after many a rainy day (rain, 45-50 degree weather, and it's almost Christmas?  I thought this was New Hampshire!).  So I used some of those sunny moments to walk with my girls.  I don't have to strap them to my back and the stroller anymore to get places, which is nice.  We walk around the block almost every day.  They take turns walking the dog, holding my hand or each others' hands.  We talk about anything from imaginary ant lakes (puddles) to tree houses to gospel topics.  They are so happy outside.  We walked past the elementary school and I realized as Katie held so tightly to my hand, looked up at me with so much light and life in her eyes to tell me something exciting about our walk, that for this time I am still her world.  We teach them about some of the dangers and bad things out there, but for now all three of those girls are so protected.  They don't see drugs, pornography (you'd be amazed how many magazines I turn around at the check-out stand), hear foul language, and just don't have exposure to wicked things.  I'm not saying we're perfect (they've obviously heard plenty of yelling and contention at home), but the world is still a safe, happy place for them right now.  For a moment I was filled with the joy of knowing what I was creating - sort of an infrastructure for their little souls.  

Then I found out about the Connecticut school today.  Oh, it makes me feel empty and exposed.  That school is similar to the one we walked past yesterday.  Next year Katie will start Kindergarten, the same position all of those children were in.  I talked to them briefly about it tonight and we prayed for the families involved.  I had to call my mom just to feel a little more OK.  As much as it may shake me to the core, it makes me more determined to love those little girls and teach them how precious life is.  I'm grateful they are fearless and strong.  They will have to be to navigate through the crap there is out there.  I can't map their lives out for them, but I can give them tools to look to the one source of truth, hope, and peace.  I'm grateful for the restored gospel.  I'm grateful for the eternal picture it gives, for the purpose it gives me to mother them.  This may be hard, but those precious moments that come when I can see why I need to be here with them right now help me dig in again.  I'm not giving up being a mom, and I will not cower because there are wicked things in the world.  I can't foresee all of the battles we will face as a family, but we will face them.  

And until they come, I will continue to seek and store in my heart those precious moments.  

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Rest of the Trip

Well, I didn't have computer access after Casper that wasn't slower than molasses, so here I am trying to catch up at home.  

Wenatchee, WA was our next stop.  We flew from Denver to Spokane, then drove West and a little North for 2 and a half hours.  It was rainy and dark when we got there, but you could see the apple orchards lining the road.  We could also tell we were right in the middle of some beautiful mountains.  The group offered to take us to dinner at a fancy Italian place that night.  Nothing to make you feel like you were raised in a barn (despite my mother's best efforts) like trying to eat fancy appetizers, hoping it doesn't go flying at the potential employer's head as you attempt to get the darn thing off the stick, dropping your silverware on the ground, half dropping the food tray, and feeling the pepper and arugula stuck in your front teeth as you're trying to make conversation about things you know nothing about.  In short, dinner was a bit awkward.  They were very nice, the community was beautiful, but both Jeremy and I were feeling just a little off while we were there.  I was just frustrated, went for a run on their riverwalk (the super beautiful Columbia River runs through there) and thought, "you don't have to make this your home."  Suddenly I felt much better and at ease.  As Jeremy and I talked about it on our drive out of town, he felt similar.  He wanted it to be there, it seemed like such a nice place, but he felt better leaving it behind as well.  

Our drive to Spokane was beautiful.  If anyone's looking for rolling, open farm fields, highway 2 in Washington is it.  There was nothing there other than the amazing sky and field after field.  We stopped in Couer D'Lane (did I spell that right?) to visit a dear friend of mine from our time in Spokane.  She fed us dinner and we were able to visit.  I love having friends that even if it's been years since you've seen each other, it might as well have been yesterday for how much you're still able to talk and enjoy each other's company.  

From there we headed through the top of Idaho on into Montana.  We had almost 6 hours to go, it was dark and we hit a lot of fog, so we can't say we actually saw anything until we made it to Great Falls.  I got up early the next morning and ran on their riverwalk (it's the Missouri in Great Falls) and felt so at ease there.  There were geese all over the river, and everything just felt slower.  

We ate our continental breakfast, I started talking with the lady taking care of the food and told her I needed to go upstairs and brush my teeth so I didn't scare anybody.  She got a big smile and said, "Honey, don't be escurred, you're in Montana!"  I think she said don't be scared, but that's how it came out.  Apparently, there's no great need to impress there.  We felt that over and over as we drove around and visited with other families in the anesthesia group there.  Everyone waved to us, even kids on their bikes.  Our conversations at meals were all about animals (having them and/or killing them), rivers, hiking, camping, wind (it's not as windy as Casper, but still windy), and I don't know if I've ever laughed so hard for a meal.  We both felt so good about being there, it was easy to know that's where we needed to be.    

I had to come home Sunday to relieve our dear friend watching the kids, Jeremy needed to stay to see the hospital Monday, then fly home Tuesday.  Jeremy got home yesterday and was very happy with everything about the hospital, we were just waiting to see if they would offer a contract.  They got a hold of Jeremy today and we have a contract!!!

So it's off to Montana in July.  We're both very excited about it, we'll try to keep that in mind as we stress over selling our house, moving, finding a place to live, getting our dog medicated enough to not barf on the way across the country, and fun things like that.  So much excitement!  

And that's the latest update.  We'll shall be sharing many more exciting things, I'm sure.....