For a Moment

Yesterday was precious.  Not the whole day.  Same with the day before.  Maybe it's because it was sunny and clear after many a rainy day (rain, 45-50 degree weather, and it's almost Christmas?  I thought this was New Hampshire!).  So I used some of those sunny moments to walk with my girls.  I don't have to strap them to my back and the stroller anymore to get places, which is nice.  We walk around the block almost every day.  They take turns walking the dog, holding my hand or each others' hands.  We talk about anything from imaginary ant lakes (puddles) to tree houses to gospel topics.  They are so happy outside.  We walked past the elementary school and I realized as Katie held so tightly to my hand, looked up at me with so much light and life in her eyes to tell me something exciting about our walk, that for this time I am still her world.  We teach them about some of the dangers and bad things out there, but for now all three of those girls are so protected.  They don't see drugs, pornography (you'd be amazed how many magazines I turn around at the check-out stand), hear foul language, and just don't have exposure to wicked things.  I'm not saying we're perfect (they've obviously heard plenty of yelling and contention at home), but the world is still a safe, happy place for them right now.  For a moment I was filled with the joy of knowing what I was creating - sort of an infrastructure for their little souls.  

Then I found out about the Connecticut school today.  Oh, it makes me feel empty and exposed.  That school is similar to the one we walked past yesterday.  Next year Katie will start Kindergarten, the same position all of those children were in.  I talked to them briefly about it tonight and we prayed for the families involved.  I had to call my mom just to feel a little more OK.  As much as it may shake me to the core, it makes me more determined to love those little girls and teach them how precious life is.  I'm grateful they are fearless and strong.  They will have to be to navigate through the crap there is out there.  I can't map their lives out for them, but I can give them tools to look to the one source of truth, hope, and peace.  I'm grateful for the restored gospel.  I'm grateful for the eternal picture it gives, for the purpose it gives me to mother them.  This may be hard, but those precious moments that come when I can see why I need to be here with them right now help me dig in again.  I'm not giving up being a mom, and I will not cower because there are wicked things in the world.  I can't foresee all of the battles we will face as a family, but we will face them.  

And until they come, I will continue to seek and store in my heart those precious moments.