I'm still super behind in posting anything in depth and I think it would do me good to get my thoughts out, but this may still be brief. Let me just say that this Tues we've reached 28 weeks, which is a 90% good outcome for any little babies born without additional complications. We mapped out our gains for 28, 30, 32, 34, 35, and 36 weeks. I have a lot of mixed emotions because I want them to have the best chance possible, but so much of the time I'm so weak and sick still that there's a part of me says the sooner they're out the better. If they're in the NICU, at least there's a team of medical people to watch out for them besides their parents. That probably sounds really harsh or strange to some people. OK, a lot of people. Let's just say that I passed out today at my OB appointment, went to the ER AGAIN, my phone died an untimely death last night (not a dead battery, a dead phone) so I couldn't even reach Jeremy or the gal watching Kate, and even when I'm home and resting it is a serious BATTLE to get enough food and fluid down me for one day. Everything makes me cry right now. It is so hard to know that I can't do simple things like make dinner, do dishes, carry Kate up the stairs, hold her for more than a couple minutes, or even just sweep the floor. After any of the above, I'm on the floor for a good couple of hours just breathing and feeling my heart pound. My OB said I'm actually doing really well for twins. Sheesh, if this is well, those poor people who get put on real bed rest. I don't like feeling like I'm complaining all the time and I'm really working on keeping a positive perspective here. If we can just make it to December I may not care at all when they're born.
I can't be thankful enough for the ward we're in. We've had so much food brought to us and people are coming over to take Kate left and right. The neighbors walk Pele about 3 times a week. So I know Heavenly Father's watching over us and helping us hold this family together. But I don't know if I'll remember much of anything of our first year here in New Hampy. Bless those women who enjoy pregnancy so much or who have to go through so much to get pregnant. I don't know if I can physically, mentally, or emotionally handle this again.
If we could beg prayers off of anyone, even if it's just that I can handle the cabin fever of unofficial bed rest, or that Kate will know her parents love her despite making her the ward foster child, or that Jeremy will have the strength he needs for 12+ hour days then to come home and take care of his other patients, we will take anything. Please forgive us for any lack of phone calls or letters this holiday season and just know that we think of all of our friends and family with the warmest feelings in our hearts and can't thank you all enough for how you've blessed our lives. We know we'll get through this and we can't wait for the chance to pay it forward to others. For now we just keep counting our blessings that we've been as blessed and protected as we have.