Look Alikes

I really thought I'd figured out how to load pictures, but this one is still sideways. I didn't want to dress these girls in identical outfits before I had them because I wanted to make sure I was seeing them as individuals, plus I thought why make it harder to tell them apart. I love how the Lord has a way of making you eat your words sometimes.

We hit a point a couple of weeks ago where Jeremy could tell the girls apart just by looking at them. I realized I could not. I knew them by outfit and where I'd set who down last, not by looking at them. So I started dressing them in identical outfits and blankets and switching their order around to force myself to look at them long enough to see the difference. I was able to do it after 3 or 4 days of this and thought I was doing pretty good. Then Sunday I decided to put them in their onesies someone had made just for them. One had a C for Cora, and the other an S for Sydney. I think I was really tired when I decided to do this. Halfway through the day I suddenly realized I had them in the wrong shirts. I got them mixed up again. I think they changed clothes when I wasn't looking. I can tell they're going to keep me on my toes.

Chocolate, Schedules, and Recovering

As recently mentioned, my body must digest chocolate weird. Well, I hadn't had chocolate since the second week with Sydney and Cora around. I had a big glass of chocolate milk and was up with them all night. You'd think I'd learn. I knew chocolate was not good if I wanted a peaceful night. Well, Jeremy asked if I'd make some chocolate chip cookies he could take to the nurses today, so yesterday Kate and I got busy. I was so good and ate none of the dough, but I couldn't help myself once the cookies were done. I ended up eating 3 by the end of the day. Not my smartest moment. Up ALL NIGHT with Cora and Sydney and they are still having a rotten time napping today. I don't know if the caffeine gets to them or what, but I am kicking myself.

Now, I'm not putting this in as a pity post, but a reality one since all of the previous posts just gloss over things. It's true that after the pregnancy with these girls I really don't feel like I should be complaining about anything. At least I can go up the stairs, carry my children, blow-dry my hair or shower without having to sit down, I can actually stand to wash all of the dishes or make dinner, I can eat normal food again, and I'm not taking 12 pills a day (yes, 12 was the grand total). These girls are beautiful, all three of them, and I love having them here and feel so blessed and grateful for them. But it's days like this, after being up all night, that I feel like I can't put out the fires fast enough or I'm just flat out of water to put them out. Katie Lou is almost 3 ft tall now and can reach everything that just a week or so ago was too far out of her reach. I am suddenly out of safe spots in the house for books, phones, keys, dishes, clothes, food, pens, crayons, diapers, diaper rash cream, the list goes on. She is so fun and smart, but that's a lot of chasing to try to pull off when I am either feeding the girls, trying to get food ready, or actually taking time to go to the bathroom. And Sydney and Cora love to be held, but that also means if they wake up early from their nap or aren't feeling so good that they need some rocking. It sounds nice, but not with both of them crying, Pele howling at me, Kate bringing me books or blankets and say "help" or "read it," dinner half-way made, and the phone ringing. Moments like that I am laughing and so ready to bawl. I want to sit them all down and say, "I'm only one person and I can't safely hold all of you at the same time, open the oven, feed the dog, and still read to you, Kate." Then you get those nice things in the mail that talk about child development and how important one-on-one time is and holding and loving them, babies only cry when they need something, they need your love and attention, blah blah blah. Advice seems to rarely make new moms feel better.

Moments like that you want to run away screaming "SOMEONE ELSE FIGURE THIS OUT! I'M DOING MY BEST AND I STILL CAN'T KEEP YOU ALL HAPPY!" So we try schedules for these girls and they do work about 50% of the time throughout the day and we do have some good nights. Then I blow it by eating 3 chocolate chip cookies. Flexible schedules - HAH! This schedule and routine bit makes breakfast and dinner and bedtime total marathons. Yet, it is working and it will pass in just a few more short months.

Speaking of months.... So the nine months of my body being eaten alive by my two parasites left me weaker than I ever thought I'd be. I suddenly gained a much better understanding of the patients I'd taken care of before who'd been on bed rest. It seemed like my muscles forgot how to carry my body. I started walking with Kate or Pele when I had friends or family here and only once took everyone when my mom was here. I tried to run, but could only do about three minutes before I had to stop. That is quite humbling when in my head I'm a runner. I used to run the foothills in Salt Lake all the time. But turns out that was over two years ago that I could do that. I've just been walking with Kate and that came to a stop in November when I couldn't go anywhere anymore.

I have learned recovery takes a while and you have to work at it every day and be happy with any progress you make. You can't keep looking at the top of the mountain and be mad or discouraged you're not there yet if you have to start at the bottom. I am determined to be a runner again. I took a brief run/walk today while someone had the girls this morning. I had to get out of the house and I went up one of the side roads. I ran for up to 10 minutes at a time, then walked fast, then ran again up and down these hills, enjoying the many streams and amazed at the amount of litter there is in this little town. For 35 minutes I kept pushing. It sounds so little to anyone who's out running a lot, but I have to focus on where I've been and how far I've come. Fortunately the weather has been very sunny and in the 40's and sometimes 50's, so I've even been out with all of the girls multiple times now. It takes us about 20 minutes to get out the door and actually moving, but we do it. And shoot, if I'm walking around with 10 lbs of baby on my chest and another 10 and 26 lbs in a stroller for at least half an hour I think I'm doing well. Small victories.

Back to the chocolate thing. I switched Kate to formula as soon as she got teeth. I'm hoping to do the same thing with these girls and as soon as that happens I am getting myself some chocolate ice cream and some Lindors dark chocolate truffles. MMmmmm.

10 Pounds!

With the best of intentions of updating this thing every week, here we are a month later. They had their 2 month visit this last week and Cora (on the left) was 9 lbs 15.8 oz and Sydney was 10 lbs 2 oz. That's close to double their birth weight! They survived their first shots, and so did I. They are both starting to smile and coo and just melt our hearts every time. I never thought I would start talking so high pitched and silly to see a baby smile, but I do.
Up close and personal with Cora. She still almost always has a deer in the headlights look with her eyes.
And here is miss Sydney lounging around.

Oh, the things pregnancy helps me appreciate. Like being able to make and eat my own food. I found a super easy wheat bread recipe in the paper when we lived in Spokane and have been able to make it almost once a week now (it goes fast). Kate loves to help me cook, do the dishes, and fold laundry. OK, it sounds nice, and she really does love to, but her help is really tasting things, splashing, and unfolding the folded stuff and handing it to me. It may double the time to get it done, but we're having fun. Plus she loves to say "Katie laundry!"

Snitching the peanut butter cookie dough. The reason this blog address has cookie monsters in it is after I had Kate, and now after these girls too, all I want to eat are oatmeal cookies. I would make oatmeal chocolate chip, but Kate couldn't and the twins cannot handle breastmilk if I've eaten chocolate, so we settle for peanut butter or butterscotch chip cookies. They're usually gone within two days. And it's mostly me eating the cookies. How else am I supposed to get the extra 1200 cals I'm supposed to eat to feed the rugrats?

This is because I had to show off her cowgirl shirt. My friend, Ericka, was out here slaving away for a week and we found a whole lot of clothes at a second-hand store here for $2 a piece. This was one of those fine items. Makes me wish I had some boots and a hat for her! (Like she'd keep them on.)

Jeremy had one of those rare post-call Fridays - which means a three day weekend for us if he doesn't sleep that day! So we made a pizza together to celebrate.

Tubby time in the sink. They both make the same funny face and a chirping sound when they first get in the water, I'm just never able to get a picture of it.

I'm not sure if they're telling secrets or Sydney is chomping on Cora's ear, but it's a fun picture.

One Month

Here's my mom, one of my most favorite people in the world and a total life-saver. She has a gift for handling the little people and a post-baby daughter. Plus she's beautiful and fun.
Here's my mom getting ready to take Katie Lou on a walk.

Three generations of women. Out of control.

So taking a walk is possible. Cora's on my chest and Sydney's next to Kate. My mom helped this time around and we haven't all been out again because it's so cold and windy, but we'll be out walking again as soon as it's not below freezing!

This would be what Katie does to entertain herself when I'm feeding the girls once my mom left. The bookshelf looked the same. Good thing she can't reach the dishes yet.

And because we hit the one month mark, I thought I'd put up some pictures to see how they've changed. This is day one. Sydney is on the left and Cora the right. Week 1: Sydney on the left and Cora on the right.

Week 2: same order. They weighed in Sydney just over 6 lbs and Cora just under.

This is week 3, same order of Sydney on the left and Cora on the right.

Week 4, same order. They look bigger, but can you really tell a difference other than the fingernail polish on Cora?

And one month. These girls have grown. I'm curious how much they weigh. They've filled out a bit more, but we are still struggling to tell a difference if they're not side by side. Sydney's head is a bit more elongated, but it's evening out. Cora's hair seems a bit lighter, but you always wonder if it's the light they're in.

I thought I figured out how to turn the picture, but I guess not. At least both of their eyes are open.

And we are still surviving. They're awake more at night than I appreciate and Jeremy's gotten more sleep on call at the hospital some nights than when he gets up with these girls. But of all the things that could be hard about a baby, I'd take the lack of sleep. Kate calls them by name, or babies or twins, then says, "wah-wah." She'll kiss their heads and try to wipe their mouths with a burp cloth. Unfortunately, they puke as much as she did. Pele's patiently waiting for some to hit the floor one of these days for her to beat me to it and lick it up. Jeremy's mom is here to help us right now and we sure appreciate it. My cell phone, however, has suffered a tragic death in the process of all of this. We now have a land-line that I will gladly e-mail to anyone who needs my number because I don't think I'll be getting a new cell phone for a few weeks still. Someday I'll start posting my deep thoughts again as well, but right now I'm just getting the pictures up.

Perspective

As you can see, we have our hands full.
Jeremy can't decide if his vacation is really more or less work than being at work.

This is our styling child. She loves her sunglasses (well, mine really), and has to have a coat on all day. I like how she matches so well.

Katie Lou has discovered how to walk in mom and dad's shoes. She'll do laps around the house wearing one of ours. I'm impressed, I have a hard time walking in my own shoes.

One week old, weighing in at 5 lb 7 oz (both of them). Anyone able to tell the difference? Sydney is on the left and Cora on the right.

We figured out how to help them snuggle. They don't like being exactly even side-by-side, but if you stagger them like they were in the womb, they love laying together.

Cora was actually picking Sydney's nose earlier. Now she's just covering her face.

So how are we doing? Actually, really well. My mom's out here now and helping out with everything (moms always make a difference in the house), but I feel so much better than I did after Kate was born. I think it's a combination of things. One, I bled out quite a bit after Kate and was grey for about 6 weeks, trying to recover. Two, I was really not prepared to be up with her as I needed to be. And three, I was just scared to death and clueless about having an infant. Now, I'm still tired, but this is nothing like what I was expecting. I'm really enjoying this. My mom said it might also have to do with how horrible the pregnancy was - it makes getting up just to feed babies seem like nothing compared to months of crawling on the floor. I think she's right. So I guess what I'm saying is, it's amazing how your perspective can change based on what you've had to go through. It's good to go through not fun experiences so you can enjoy others so much more than you would if everything came easy.

Drum Roll Please....

After my OB appointment on Monday, the doc told me I was dilated to a five and to come in Tues and they'd break my water. This is my Honey doing a little victory dance with Katie that we finally have a plan so we're not going back and forth every third day to the hospital. She's such a doll!
Water broken at 11:00 am January 5th, and at 1:40 miss Sydney was born: 5 lbs, 11 oz, 19 inches long. Shortly thereafter, miss Cora flipped and they had to do a breach extraction which was a miracle in and of itself to have a doctor willing and capable of doing it instead of a C-section. At 2:25 Cora was born: 5 lbs 10 oz, 17 1/2 inches. Jeremy thinks they're really closer to the same length and it was just because a different nurse measured her that they were that far apart in length.

This is me not knowing exactly how to load pictures, but Kate enjoyed coming to visit us, especially once she figured out how to page the entire hospital from our room phone.

Look, I'm smiling! How weird is it that the best I felt the whole pregnancy was from week 35 - 37? Thank you everyone for your prayers. I didn't bleed out either, like I had with Kate and we're feeling so watched over. Tired, but truly blessed.

I love this one because it looks like Sydney is kissing Cora. They love human contact and it's so fun to have them together all the time.

One proud papa. We can't believe how tiny they are, especially once we look at Katie Lou.

Look how thrilled they are to go home! We really don't know if they're identical or not. They both have a dimple in their chin, the same blood type, the same hair line. We painted a few of Cora's nails so we've got some sort of a marker. We already mixed them up last night in between the every hour feedings. (What, were we tired or something?) Good thing we were able to correct that this morning.

It's nice that they love to snuggle. Katie Lou was not as much of a fan of the loves.

Safe at home.

Just Thinking

Jeremy and I were talking last night. What counts as labor? More or less contractions and cervical changes, right? So I've been in labor for a month and a half. Once again to quote my husband, "Can you do nothing normal?" I will say I'm not "suffering," just waiting. But hey, if they'll eat better, the wait is worth it.

Want to go really off subject? Jeremy just finished a palliative care rotation. For anyone who doesn't know what that means, it's basically hospice care - making people comfortable as their life comes to an end. The head physician gave Jeremy a book to read (that he wrote) that I ended up reading called Dying Well. I'm not trying to be morbid or depressing by talking about death, but Jeremy and I had many an interesting conversation about the whole ordeal.

One thing the book points out is that our culture has a terrible fear of death. We were all born, and at one point we will all die, and though birth is so celebrated death is something we just do not talk about. I don't want to go into too much detail here other than it really changed my perspective on dying. It's an opportunity to really honor those who go through the process by taking care of them and letting those loved ones know how blessed we feel for having them be part of our lives. The author talked about how natural grief and sorrow are and we should embrace them as part of the circle of life, not as though something has gone terribly wrong. It's OK to let ourselves and others grieve and acknowledge what we have lost. When the time is right (which is different for everyone), we will be able to feel joy again, and for some it is even during the time of death. I don't feel I'm an expert on any of this, I was just very grateful for a hopeful, loving, compassionate perspective on dying. Everyone can die with dignity and in peace, but it takes effort from those around them. If anything, I think Jeremy and I gained the perspective that it's OK to talk about what we want when the time comes, so that when it does come we will have already discussed some of the more difficult things during a calmer moment. Just things to think about.