Tick Tock Tick Tock..........

Here's Daddy putting on our rugrat's shoes.
Christmas morning with Jeremy, his mom, and still our only child.

All of Kate's Grandma's hunting paid off - she found a double stroller and two baby dolls to help this little one have her own babies to push around.

As groggy as she looks, she hasn't had any Christmas punch, she's just been playing with so many toys her head is spinning (What would we do without grandparents?). She loves scribbling on the Etch-a-Sketch.

I had to put this picture in because she looks so stinkin cute in that dress.

I'm sure many have been wondering our current family size. Still nothing. We've had two big fake-outs - one two Tuesdays ago and the other just yesterday. For anyone who's really curious - I'm dilated to a 4, 80% effaced, contracting anywhere from every 2-6 minutes to not at all (though I typically can't feel a darned thing), and both babies - last ultrasound anyway - are head down. Miss Sydney is WAY down in my pelvis and Cora is not far behind. Our outlook for a vaginal delivery of both is VERY good. What's the hold up? Wouldn't we all like to know. Yesterday I was told if I was 37 weeks (Tuesday, Jan 5th), they would just break my water. But these little ladies are still premies, so unless my contractions are longer (lasting 60 seconds instead of 30 seconds like they are now), I open up to a 5, or my water breaks, we're all just hanging out until next Tuesday. The funny thing is that my body seemed so ready to deliver them until we passed the 35 week mark (our goal to be able to deliver at the hospital with the docs we want). Suddenly everything has slowed down. Though this may be the best I've felt for the whole pregnancy. I waddle like a duck and getting out of bed is entertaining to say the least, but what a wonderful thing to have made it this far. Thank you everyone for your love, support, and prayers. Hopefully we will have pictures up of the new rugrats a week or so from today. Course, my mom keeps joking one will be born 11:30pm Dec 31 and the other 12:10 Jan 1st. We'll just wait and see I guess.....

Chatterbox

Here's our little small fry dancing away with a white elephant gift her daddy brought home. Jeremy asked me to make a list of everything she says right now (the girl's a parrot) so we don't forget. Here's everything I can remember: Mommy, Daddy, Papa (grandpa), Mama (grandma), Pele (she says it pay-lay-eee), doggie, puppy, meow, moo, piggy, night night, eat, please, more, tuby (bath time), snow, no, go-go, coat, dress, shoes, bow, tie, pants, chair, truck, bus, beep-beep, Katie, Tommy, Ann, Lori, Ady, Sydney, Cora, Ella, nose, eye, teeth, crash, mash, tatoes (potatoes), apple, peas, pasta, zanya (lasagne), milk, cereal, toast, hot, cold, bunny, blankie, tickle, crow, caa (what the crow says), juice, dink (drink), baby, shhhh, and Jesus. That's what I can remember. I can't believe how much she picks up on things. I think she's being blessed to be able to do so much since things will be so crazy when her sisters come. Three girls in less than three years of marriage. Who just does that? You count myself and the dog and Jeremy's way out numbered. She sure loves to dance, though (like what she's doing in the picture). Dancing and running and reading. I can't wait for warmer weather and the ability to walk returned to me so we can explore this beautiful country!

Double Placenta Brain

There have been multiple blog addresses I've been meaning to add to our blog for months. Well, in the process of doing it, I happened to eliminate all of the previous ones I had listed. I have a hard enough time with technology when I'm not pregnant. So I am begging anyone who I've checked in on before or who wouldn't mind having us check in on you in the future on your blog to please leave a comment so we can still stay in touch!

Finally Finished

Thirteen months after starting this project - I finally finished the stockings! So bedrest was a big part of the reason I was able to finish. Just in time too, because right after I finished my hands have now decided to go numb on me (painfully numb) as soon as I try to do anything with them. The same thing happened when I was pregnant with Kate, but it didn't hurt like this does. I tell you what, it's weird to wash your hair and not feel it. Anyway, the stockings. Also done just in time to have another year to make two more for miss Sydney and Cora. I can't tell you how proud I am of these though, because crafts and sewing are not so much up my alley. I usually prefer dirt and cookies. Yeah for branching out!

Winter Came!

We got our Christmas tree shopping in just before it snowed. This is Jeremy's dad helping Kate look at the trees. Although she was really more interested in the lights they had. But it was fun.
Here is our glorious tree. It's about 3 feet tall and cost us $10. I love it. None of the decorations match, they're all a collection of what we had growing up and one for Kate and one for our first Christmas together. Jeremy and I like to joke that it's very much like our life - nothing matches, everything's just thrown together, and we love it.

Our first snow! I love the winter and I'm so excited it finally came! Kate was really excited to get her boots and snowsuit on, but putting her in the snow to walk around was another story.

Yeah, she wasn't very impressed with walking around in this stuff. But she can say snow and she always wants outside, she's just not so sure what to do when she's in it.

Here's our beloved snow dog. I'm sad I can't take her somewhere to run like we could in Spokane, because I love to watch her fly in the snow. But she's pretty happy having a back yard to stomp around in. She's been making little beds for herself in the snow all over the yard. It's fun to watch.

I don't fit a single coat in our house. I can't even zip Jeremy's coats up over my belly. Some of our fleeces will still cover me up, but not a single coat.

So big, I am currently only fitting Jeremy's T-shirts. Let me tell you how pretty I feel. I don't mean to be vain, but it's that feeling of staying in your PJs all day when you're sick. I just keep reminding myself this is just a season. And hey, I am super happy that they're growing!

Sigmund Freud and C. S. Lewis

Because a good portion of the time I'm lucid enough to think I still have to lie on the couch, I am currently reading quite the collection of books. Our ward's compassionate service leader asked around some of the other gals in the ward and delivered to me a bag full of all kinds of books and I have just finished the second one. I loved the first one I read: A Walk in the Woods, by John Bryson (I think). Though he's foul-mouthed in conversations, he's incredibly witty and entertaining throughout the rest of the book as he talks about his adventures hiking the Appalachian Trail. He includes natural history, civil war history, American commerce history, geology, and all kinds of other things that just blow your mind. His view on the wilderness in general is enjoyable as you watch him go from almost couch potato to a man craving the wilderness even when he's home. I recommend it.

The one I just finished is also incredible. It's The Question of God, Sigmund Freud and C. S. Lewis debate God, Love, Sex, and the Meaning of Life. I can't remember the author, but he's a Harvard professor that was asked to teach a class on Freud and it evolved into much of what is in the book. The background is that Freud was a stout atheist and Lewis was an atheist, turned Christian when he was 31. They may have met before Freud died (he was a generation before Lewis and their lives overlapped by a couple of decades or so), but it's not recorded. The author sets up a series of ideas and questions that with quotes from their books and letters to friends and family portrays each perspective almost as if they are debating. It's astounding. The author tries to be as unbiased as possible, but keeps finding many a whole in Freud's arguments and multiple occasions where he contradicts himself.

Freud's biggest beef with the existence of a God is even if there was one, he's obviously not concerned with us (it's a childhood wish of having someone as powerful as a parent watching over us that extends into adulthood) because if he did care, why is there so much sorrow, pain, and suffering? At the same time he thinks it's ludicrous to "love one's neighbor" because all his neighbor ever does is hurt him and there's no advantage in that.

Lewis didn't want to believe there was a God, partially because he'd been through so much suffering as a boy, but also because he didn't want someone else to interfere with or run his life. After many discussions with colleagues and studying things out on his own he was slowly converted to being "a believer," though he still struggled with the concept of pain and suffering and the purpose it served. But his answers came and it's humbling to read all of this and think through it. The author of the book states at the beginning that this isn't something you can just look at and think, "oh, that's interesting," but that you need to make a choice. One of these points of view is right and one is wrong, they can't both be right and you must read and decide and live accordingly.

What have I gained from this? A lot. First, I wonder now how often I sit on the fence about any issue because having an answer makes me responsible for what I know. But ignoring it is the same as choosing a side, and not really a good one. Second, C. S. Lewis' thoughts on happiness and joy put things in a very clear light. He more or less says as human beings, created in the image of God, our only source of lasting happiness and joy is to develop our relationship with our Creator, the God and Father of our souls. We were made to have this relationship with Him, to learn how to develop it while here on this earth. All other things that can bring us happiness or pleasure are blessings from Him, but to point us towards Him. They were never meant to satisfy completely and they do not have that power. He says that all of our vices are really souls trying to replace our only true source of happiness with temporal things - power, sex, money, recreation, entertainment, whatever. None of these things are bad, but become such when we use them as "other gods" and seek our happiness from them instead of our relationship with God. He also said we may create the wrong perspective of who God is if we only look to the imperfect people around us instead of studying out who He is through the scriptures and what they teach us about God. This struck me hard, especially as I now wonder about raising three girls in this world.

How often as a parent do I focus on teaching her how to read, wondering what she will become, wondering how to help her succeed in life, hoping she has the life skills to get through this world and the motivation to go to school? Just like the above things that can bring temporary happiness, none of that is wrong or bad, it's all good and necessary. But how much time do I spend focusing on how to teach her honesty, to have a relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, to have a desire to read the scriptures on her own, to be kind and non-judgmental to everyone, not just friends? There is a balance in all things and I want all my girls to know how to read, to count, to play and succeed in whatever they choose. But just as lasting peace in joy is only found in a relationship with the Savior and Heavenly Father, so is a true sense of identity and purpose. Though I need to teach all of them how to live in this world, I need to help them know they are only here for a time and all of their best laid plans may change.

I can look back on my own life and think of how I wanted things to be and how they've changed, how many joys, disappointments, sorrows, and triumphs I've gone through as have so many friends and family. We all have plans of how life will be and I bet anyone you ask would say it's not worked out the way they thought it would. Some wanted to get married right out of high school or soon after and a decade or so later are still searching for someone or find themselves divorced. Some who wanted to go to school never got the chance. Some who wanted children cannot conceive, or then there's my case where both Jeremy and I want them, but it is a walk through fire to get there every step of the way. Others have children with disabilities. Financial issues seem to face everyone in one way or another. Trials of faith that we never expected to face wash over us when we least expect it. Friends or family may pass from this life long before we ever expected. Or family we thought would stay healthy spend years watching their health painfully slip from them. Goals and dreams we have get replaced with current needs and we wonder why we ever had those if we feel we'll never achieve them. Loneliness can be overwhelming and consuming even if you are surrounded by family and friends as you struggle with things you don't know how to talk about with anyone else. Communication break-downs with family or friends leave heartache you never imagined. We've all made mistakes in actions, words, or the lack of that we cannot let go of. You can look at all of this and get so discouraged and look to the skies to beg the question, "Why? What is this all for and is there no mercy?"

But it takes us back to that simple answer. We are here to become like God, to develop a relationship with him and to understand who we are as his children and why we are here. Would you ever seek Him out as earnestly as you do in times of trial if everything went according to your original plan? Would you be as willing to listen if you didn't so desperately need His guidance? Would you want to return to Him if you felt you had all you needed here in this earth life? To Freud all of the sorrows of the world just meant misery. Just accept there is no hope, accept it as truth, then at least you won't be disappointed. But if you believe, suddenly there is reason behind sorrow. There is hope with trials. I remember Elder Worthlin's talk "Sunday Will Come." The Savior of the world was crucified and falsely accused and all looked bleak to His followers. Yet because of His death, He overcame ALL when He resurrected. He could not have if He hadn't gone through those darkest hours in the Garden of Gethsemane and on Calvary. We cannot expect to have something better if we can't pass through the difficult. Don't get me wrong, I'm often one of the first to say I don't want to go through hard things (especially bringing kids into this world). But reading through this and pondering over it, I'm so grateful for the hope of the Gospel. I love Christmas for this reason. Forget the presents and dinners (though they are fun and fabulous). I'm just so excited to know there is more than the trials of this life. That all of those moments of joy we have here are to point us to the greater joy we can have there in the next life with Heavenly Father if we let Him teach us through our experiences here.

Sheeze louise, have I talked enough yet? I don't know if anyone is even still reading this. I just wanted to get all of that out while I was thinking of it. It makes me happy to know there is a loving Father in Heaven and a Savior to help me overcome my own long list of weaknesses.

And I really recommend that book to anyone.

Miracles

So I had another OB apt this week and when I left I felt so relieved that I needed to put something up here about it. Overall things are really good now. I've finally gained enough weight to at least put us in the safety zone (31 lbs! I'm excited! It's supposed to be I think 40-60 minimum for twins, maybe 45, but 31 is so much better than where we were). My insides are still a little more ready for labor than they would like, hence, I'm still under a relative house arrest / bed rest order, but we have made it past 32 weeks! That means their little lungs are in pretty good shape right now and all the cooking they have left will help us be able to feed them better (and hopefully they won't spit up 24/7 as Kate did. At least if they do, we've dealt with it before). I don't know if I've mentioned, but we're pretty sure we're naming them Cora and Sydney. Cora's the smaller of the two, and she is lagging behind, but she's still gaining appropriately which is also fabulous news. The other thing is that many multiples end up being delivered by C-section. I asked my OB about the chances and she said as long as the first one is head down and I have an epidural in, unless someone goes into distress during the delivery she can do whatever needs to be done to get baby number 2 out without doing a C-section. We have to make it to 35 weeks (Dec 22) to deliver at the hospital my OB is at (because they don't have a NICU). But since we've had so much help (my sister, Jeremy's dad is here with us until Dec 20th, then his mom comes, then my mom, etc), I've been able to stay down so much more and I think we'll make it to at least 36 weeks (Dec 29th). The later they come, the easier they will be to care for.

The other thing is the ward threw us a nice baby shower and someone else in the ward brought by all of her little girl's old clothes. We were a little worried about having enough warm pajamas for these two, and for Kate and clothes have just kept coming. We now have plenty of warm PJs for the rugrats and it made me tear up as I was putting them in drawers, just realizing how aware of us Heavenly Father is and how much he's watched over us by sending us so many angels - friends, family, even strangers who've all been willing to sacrifice a little to a lot to help us at this point in our lives. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who's kept us in their thoughts, prayers, put us on prayer rolls, helped us out with clothes, time, or any other blessing that's kept us afloat when we so easily could have gone under. We love all of you and pray that the Lord is watching over you as well.

Boo

I know, we're two holidays late for this one, but I was so proud of the ghost I had up for Halloween that I had to put a picture of it up. Nothing like a garbage bag and a Sharpie to get you decked out for Halloween.
This is one of my favorite people. Ginny was my VT companion in Spokane and she came out and slaved away for me for a few days. Kate adored her and it was fun to have someone in the house who wanted to jabber as much as I did. Thank you Ginny!

I never got a picture of my sister, but she came the week after Ginny and was such a lifesaver for us! She put up the Christmas decorations, made some awesome food, all while entertaining not just my own child, but her one year old as well. Here's Kate's cousin, Van and he loved playing with Pele and getting on the Christmas decoration boxes. Melissa was a total rock star. Not that I enjoy this more perma-bed rest situation, but I sure get a lot more company coming to visit!

Ah, our beautiful daughter. So we dressed her up in Ute shirt and pants so we could show the picture to her BYU Grandpa, but let us say she does not like to hold still for pictures. Melissa caught this beautiful pose for us.

Now she's happier. Good thing, or her grandpa might make some suggestion about her scowl having to do with wearing red and white instead of blue. Bah.

This girl is obsessed with coats. She finds the coat and points to it or grabs it and brings it to you and says "go go?" She was determined to put my sweatshirt on. Well, she looked more like a gnome from behind in it, then she'd trip and fall out of it and be so mad it wasn't on her anymore. She's so patient. Surely she didn't get that from her parents.....